I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
