I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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