She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
