You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
