Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
