he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
