Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
