Dude my mom stole all your condoms
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
MIDGETS
????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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