Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You can't special order awesome
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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