i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
