He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
