She said her name was "party"
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
