How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
