I didn't shave. On purpose
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
