I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
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