Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
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First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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