before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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