I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
