She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
