I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
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we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
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Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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