Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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