on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
