Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
