Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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