Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
