i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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