mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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