You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
