i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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