Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
