I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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