I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
