wat bout pragnant strippers??
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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