im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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