the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
