dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
