you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize