i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
God I need to hump something, right now.
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