Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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