i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i believe in u and ur pee
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
