Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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