Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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