turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
