I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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