and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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