Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
