The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
