Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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