We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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