She's JV to your varsity
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
a search helicopter?!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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