"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
