Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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