Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
