I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
