i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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