Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
