we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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