Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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