We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
