and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize