U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
