So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize